A question.. unanswered...

Before that day,
I have never had a conversation
which affected me so much...
It left me with....

so many questions which don't have an answer

so many solutions which I don't wish to take..

but more than that, it has left me with a fear...

The fear of losing something special...

You just left me with questions...

Who do I ask for the answers now? 

I have doubts about my own doubts..
Then How do I trust what others have to tell me?


I feel....just so lost...
Nothing can console me,
nothing can be a perfect solution
Never had I thought about it so much...
How do I explain myself to others?
How do I expect others to understand me?

They are not wrong... you say "people tend to do that"
But then,
Am I wrong? 

Imagination..dream.. reality..

Imagination is a bad place for the Reals..
For I tend to start believing in that world of imagination..


And when I get up from my dream, 
it takes me a moment to realize the reality.. 
and its then
when it hurts..a lot......

Towards maturity

My amma used to say, "kisi ke ghar mein shaitani nai karni chahiye.. thoda mature ho beta.."

My maa used to tell me, "kisi chhoti cheez ke liye zidd nai karni chahiye.. thoda mature bano.."

My bro said, "game mein haar ke aise sad nai hona chahiye.. mature ho.."

My sister used to say, "it's high time tum mature bano.. manage karna seekho padhai aur games ko.."

And I became mature..

O wait! I guess I didn't..

coz' even after doing all what my family said, people still say - "You should be mature.."

Now, What exactly is maturity?

Is it doing all what my family said?

Does maturity mean to be think about your loved ones first and then think about yourself?

Is it setting your priorities right in the beginning?

or Does it mean not to comment on others because basically you don't have the right to do so?

Naah, its not..

Maturity is -

deciding things on your own just because you are or think that you're "grown up".

It is giving one's own set of definitions of what's a joke and what's not.. 

It is to know "kiske saath kaam niklega"

and talking politely and sweetly to even the most ridiculous people on this earth..

It is to change your priorities in due course of time

It is to 'ignore' things, or even 'ignore' people for that matter..

It means not to cry even if you lose something what really matters to you

It means to comment on people every now and then..

Earlier I thought "this is not maturity.. poeple who think this way are immature.."

But I was wrong..

Maturity DOES mean to wear faces..

Well, Now that I know and also, that am finally an adult :p

it's high time I become mature..

Thanks to all the "mature" people for teaching me this lesson.. :) It will take me ages to be a "mature" person like 'THEM' but This is just the first step..

just thought to write an acknowledgment note.. ;)

The smell of the champa flowers filled my soul.............

This is a story which I wrote in my creative writing exam.. The question was - 'the smell of the champa flowers filled my soul.... and in continuation of this statement, we were supposed to write a short story.
I thought ki is sentence pe story ya toh bohot funny ya bohot LS type lagegi.. :P
Then, I just thought for a while and came up with this.. Since I dnt write much and dnt write that well, I think ki the story which I wrote was not that bad.. Obv maine by heart toh nai ki thi story but ya, this is what I wrote -

The smell of the champa flowers filled my soul with his love.. Even after he left, I could feel his presence around me..
I could not sleep that night..
Lying on the bed with that champa flower in my hand, I kept thinking about him, those words, which he said when he gave me the flowers..
My eyes could only see his face, his brown eyes which had only one story to tell - his love for me.. his smile which was just for me.. I had never gone through such a feeling before.. And this feeling was beautiful. 
His love for me made me feel blessed.. I always thought no one could ever like an unusual girl like me.. A girl who prefers champa flowers over red rose, unusual it is! right?
I was not in a state to say anything when he proposed me.. He knew that and he said he would wait for my response.. And that night, it was me who could not wait any longer to see him, to express my feelings for him..


Next day, in the evening, I went hurriedly to the place where he said he would be waiting for me. He understood my response when he saw me, he smiled back when he noticed the smile in my eyes. That evening, we just sat together holding hands, in silence.. Life became beautiful because of his love for me..


But he had to leave after a few days.. He didn't give the reason.. he didn't even tell me when would he come back.. 
On the day when he had to leave, I went with him to the station. Both of us had tears in our eyes.. It seemed we had a lot to say to each other but we didn't utter a word..
The engine's whistle created a strange silence around me.. As the train moved, he took my hand, held it close to his heart and gave me a champa flower.. And, he left...


It has been a year since he left.. And I know nothing about how and where he is..
But every night, I look at the champa flowers kept beside my pillow.. and my heart is filled with memories of 'proposal', 'togetherness' and 'departure' and the wish to see his smile..
And I close my eyes with the hope to see myself through his eyes, once again..

Sitting by the river side..

Sitting by the river side,
I saw 'our' reflection..
You were sitting by my side..


I saw you laughing, making faces at my silly jokes,
getting irritated with my stupid acts..
I saw you crying, sharing your deepest secrets with me
I saw you keeping your hand on my shoulder saying - I am there for you..
I saw us enjoying every moment of our togetherness..


But then somebody threw a stone in the river..
I could no longer see your reflection..
I turned around.. You were not there..
My eyes blinked and...tears rolled down my cheeks..
And then I realized,
all this while, I saw your reflection in my eyes..


Sitting by the riverside,
I make just one wish..
to see 'our' reflection in the river,
to have you by my side..

The purpose of 'my' life...

“When I stand before God at the end of my life,

I hope that I would not have a single guilt - 

of not fulfilling my promises,

of not being true in my relationships,

of not doing things which I ought to do in my life..

And I hope I could say then - I was the way you wanted me to be..

I used everything you gave me..

&

I lived my life with that purpose - 

the purpose with which you gave me this life.." :)

Her Smile

When I woke up today morning

My eyes were swollen because I had cried last night..

I saw her sitting next to me with a smile..

I know even she cried because I was hurt

Yet, in the morning, she smiled to make me feel good..

She has gone through all the pains..

She made me understand things earlier, I didn't listen to her..

She scolded me, I didn't listen to her even then..

But when I got hurt and cried, I thought she would scold me for not listening to her..

But, she said - "I understand"

because she knows how I feel

and she hugged me tightly with a smile on her face..

She faces problems even today

She wants to cry at times even now

My problem in front of hers is nothing

Yet, she knows I need her support

She, with tears in her eyes, had a smile on her face..

She handles really difficult situations in her life

She doesn't let anyone know how she feels

Yet, she knows I am a rotlu

and she came and said, 'I know it's really difficult for you to get over this situation.."

And she said all this, with a smile on her face..